Movie podcast in my headphones: “And that was starring James Caan.”
Me out loud: “Khaaaaan!!!”
My bewildered son: “… w h a t ?”
undefined
Chris Hallbeck
@chrishallbeck@mastodon.social
Posts
-
Movie podcast in my headphones: “And that was starring James Caan.” -
What’s your score on the apple test?What’s your score on the apple test?
-
Watching the movie Aliens and I’m confused.Watching the movie Aliens and I’m confused. Is the Queen an elected official or is it more of a family bloodline thing?
-
[frog at an open mic night][frog at an open mic night]
“So I said what’s wrong? Do you have me in your throat?”
*crickets*
*frog goes nuts trying to eat the crickets*
-
I’m trying to eat better but the bacteria in my guts love leftover Halloween candy.I’m trying to eat better but the bacteria in my guts love leftover Halloween candy.
-
Me as a child: Climbs trees, somersaults off the couch, rides my bike over makeshift ramps.Me as a child: Climbs trees, somersaults off the couch, rides my bike over makeshift ramps.
Me now: I injured my shoulder 2 nights ago by sleeping. I was feeling better today but just reinjured it by sneezing.
-
Look, if you really want to ruin some of my woodworking tools, you should get on my level.Look, if you really want to ruin some of my woodworking tools, you should get on my level.
-
The meaning of bewildered is confusing.The meaning of bewildered is confusing.
-
Some days you just gotta wait for new emails to come in and push the stressful email off screen.Some days you just gotta wait for new emails to come in and push the stressful email off screen.
-
Let sleeping dogs lie.Let sleeping dogs lie. We’ll find out the truth after they wake up.
-
Me: Listen.Me: Listen. You’re important to me. I’m so grateful that you’re here.
Olive Garden waiter: (Stops grating the cheese and walks away without saying a word.)
-
My wife made me breakfast in bed!My wife made me breakfast in bed! It was delicious but the cleanup is a hassle. I wish she would go back to making breakfast in the kitchen.
-
ME: [extremely burnt out] I need to take the day off to relax.ME: [extremely burnt out] I need to take the day off to relax.
ALSO ME: I wonder if there is a way that I could relax that would be more productive.
-
My wife thinks my “I’m a single dad!” shirt is inappropriate but I am factually not two dads.My wife thinks my “I’m a single dad!” shirt is inappropriate but I am factually not two dads.
-
(At a concert)Oh you like this band?(At a concert)
Oh you like this band? Describe three of their t-shirts. -
Did you hear that the bad guy from the Power Puff Girls is starting a karate studio with that four-time Olympic medalist?Did you hear that the bad guy from the Power Puff Girls is starting a karate studio with that four-time Olympic medalist? It’s the Mojo Jojo Flo-Jo Dojo.
-
Overheard a conversation where the first person said “We got our first computer in 1998.”Overheard a conversation where the first person said “We got our first computer in 1998.” and the second person said “Oh wow! So you were one of the EARLY computer people.” and I shriveled up and died.