I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
I don't see a lot of the bad stuff, not because I skip over it, but because I have blocked with abandon.
I'm not saying this to tell others to block like me (I did it to excess actually), but to explain to those who do not see the bad posts that there might be a reason they don't see them. Not everyone here has the same experience. Also, different instances might block whole other instances.
So, when someone says they are being harassed, believe them the first time they say it.
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I don't see a lot of the bad stuff, not because I skip over it, but because I have blocked with abandon.
I'm not saying this to tell others to block like me (I did it to excess actually), but to explain to those who do not see the bad posts that there might be a reason they don't see them. Not everyone here has the same experience. Also, different instances might block whole other instances.
So, when someone says they are being harassed, believe them the first time they say it.
There are a lot of people who don't see it in the physical world either. Women often don't talk about these things in public. I'm not victim blaming. There's lots of reasons for that, not least of which is a credible fear of retaliation. Probably other reasons that I'm not aware of, too.
Men, of course, rarely see gendered abuse and so can ignore or deny it if they choose. Even abusers, incredibly, do this.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice and even if you don't see it, it doesn't take that much awareness to understand that (a) you don't see everything here, and (b) "I don't see stuff like that" is a really unhelpful comment.
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There are a lot of people who don't see it in the physical world either. Women often don't talk about these things in public. I'm not victim blaming. There's lots of reasons for that, not least of which is a credible fear of retaliation. Probably other reasons that I'm not aware of, too.
Men, of course, rarely see gendered abuse and so can ignore or deny it if they choose. Even abusers, incredibly, do this.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice Oh my Godlessnes, this is horrible ā¹ļø I've only been recently introduced to the notion of "minority stress" so I'm everything but an expert in this, but this seems to be part of it.
So, I just want to throw in a few encouraging words. I've been following you here for a while, and not only do I think that you are valid in every aspect of you that you are showing or telling about here... I also love your posts, be they about your interests, or NSFW content, or about politics.
Plus, you're among the people online who help me get a glimpse of that better part of the USA population that hasn't gone Trumpist, and frankly this is so good for my mental health and my trust in humanity.
So I'm sending love and support and I wish you the best! -
Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice the point about that for me is that I truely don't understand what motivates those people, and in this I have some form of symapthy for peoples ignorance. It simply doesn't fit these people's (mine included) perception of society - not even closely - so it feels like you are talking about some other species. This makes it all the more important to ensure that everybody affected by this human garbage has a chance to be heard. Especially by people with the power to do something about it
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice A coworker punched me lightly on the arm. When I snapped at them, they got all offended. It was just a little punch, it couldn't have hurt. Now I was the bad guy, complaining about something so inconsequential. Problem was, every else in the office had done the same earlier and my arm was already sore. So now I had a sore arm and was the office asshole.
This is a story about microaggression.
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@alice the point about that for me is that I truely don't understand what motivates those people, and in this I have some form of symapthy for peoples ignorance. It simply doesn't fit these people's (mine included) perception of society - not even closely - so it feels like you are talking about some other species. This makes it all the more important to ensure that everybody affected by this human garbage has a chance to be heard. Especially by people with the power to do something about it
@alice I am not trying to justify this behavior in any way. I just kind of understand why many people have a hard time to believe these story since they are SO FAR outside the envelope they assume possible
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice@lgbtqia.space ehehehe i remember having very fun going to 9/11 museum as brown youngish masc-presenter with a large black backpack
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice You have probably heard this, and I can't recall the source, but what you describe has been called the opposite of empathy ...
It's mepathy
I can't empathise until it happens to me.
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@alice the point about that for me is that I truely don't understand what motivates those people, and in this I have some form of symapthy for peoples ignorance. It simply doesn't fit these people's (mine included) perception of society - not even closely - so it feels like you are talking about some other species. This makes it all the more important to ensure that everybody affected by this human garbage has a chance to be heard. Especially by people with the power to do something about it
@DJGummikuh the problem is that it isn't just "human garbage" truly shitty people only make up a tiny percentage of the total. It's the guy who was "just joking" about your skirt length, or the people on the bus who decide it's "not their problem", or the lady who makes a comment about how articulate her black neighbor is.
It's the casual "š¤·š¼āāļø what're ya gonna do about it" bigotry and entitlement that permeates every pore of society.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice this is a really excellent vignette.. good writing!
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@DJGummikuh the problem is that it isn't just "human garbage" truly shitty people only make up a tiny percentage of the total. It's the guy who was "just joking" about your skirt length, or the people on the bus who decide it's "not their problem", or the lady who makes a comment about how articulate her black neighbor is.
It's the casual "š¤·š¼āāļø what're ya gonna do about it" bigotry and entitlement that permeates every pore of society.
@alice @DJGummikuh It's also all of us tbh, if you are genuinely convinced you have never done at the very least a microaggression to a minority you're not a part of, you have not done enough work deconstructing your bias to notice. And that's a call to action for people, inform yourself!
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@alice this is a really excellent vignette.. good writing!
@rubixhelix thank you. I like to think I can write pretty sometimes.
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice Last year we discovered my partner was allergic to (among many other things) a very specific ingredient found in a lot of soap products (shampoo, conditioner, dish soap, laundry detergent, moisturizer, etc.) Sometimes it's not even on the ingredients list! Even products specifically meant to be hypoallergenic and for sensitive skin.
Also queer, disabled, food sensitivities and limitations...
Yeah. This shit is real.
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There are a lot of people who don't see it in the physical world either. Women often don't talk about these things in public. I'm not victim blaming. There's lots of reasons for that, not least of which is a credible fear of retaliation. Probably other reasons that I'm not aware of, too.
Men, of course, rarely see gendered abuse and so can ignore or deny it if they choose. Even abusers, incredibly, do this.
Efforts to discuss examples of bigotry or harassment will often get you redirected to HR or suggestions for therapy, that's how bad the deliberate blindness of privilege works
The physical health problems that arise from social ecosystems of unacknowledged white supremacy.
People with high blood sugars & pre-diabetes despite good dietary & exercise habits.
Young POC with heart attacks.
Cortisol overload from the stress of being in an environment of unwarranted hate
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine š
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, andābear with me, these stories are connectedāI started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* š
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noiseālike noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice i think part of the issue is the weird privacy settings - i can reply to a public post with a DM or "followers only" post that's visible to *my* followers not those of the person I'm replying to. Presumably if I'm a serial harasser, I'm not going to have a lot of normal decent people among my followers.
And from my victim's POV they made a public post and got threats or abuse in reply and nobody is standing up for them.
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@alice i think part of the issue is the weird privacy settings - i can reply to a public post with a DM or "followers only" post that's visible to *my* followers not those of the person I'm replying to. Presumably if I'm a serial harasser, I'm not going to have a lot of normal decent people among my followers.
And from my victim's POV they made a public post and got threats or abuse in reply and nobody is standing up for them.
@alice in that moment the victim is going to be understandably shocked and triggered, not paying close attention to subtle UI elements telling them that everyone else in the thread probably can't see the abuse they're facing.
I don't have a solution to the problem, but I see it as a problem with the mechanics of the protocol. Changing the protocol wouldn't make abuse go away of course but it might help a bit.
Gli ultimi otto messaggi ricevuti dalla Federazione
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@aeva I had looked into setting up a free perforce server on Oracle hosted vm - but then its with Oracle too
But the idea was enough around the same thought
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5-year-old: "What is that?" (pointing to my computer screen)
Me: "My website" (technically the homepage of my blog - with a big feature image about the Fediverse)
5-year-old: "It's beautiful"
And now excuse me while I recover from the shock. Do you know how rare are compliments by a 5-year-old? Especially concerning things that are not toys or arts and crafts?
Planning to spend the rest of the day on cloud 9 āļø š
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@j0ebaldw1n noice :O
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me who was an idiot - should just have said "object storage", s3 is what amazon call their object storage provider.
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@aeva 1 TB seems to be 3.20 EUR per month: https://www.hetzner.com/storage/storage-box/
There are probably similar offers from other companies as well, because offsite backups at a different provider are a common requirement for professional deployments.
OVH also has something, but their website is confusing, rather than a base price they charge per GB and month.
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@aeva after a lot of looking my answer to this was crickets
but I have two not-quite-adequate-but-still-worth-mentioning solutions
there's several nextcloud vendors that have pretty decent prices, I rent my stuff from hetzner, about $5/month for 1TB of storage. if you don't know nextcloud, think "open source dropbox"
but for my projects, what I settled on is a private forgejo instance. I have a little home cluster with 2TB in RAID1, and offsite backups at two different locations...
and the only reason I can justify the maintenance cost of setting up and doing all this is because my particular brand of autism inexplicably classifies all this work into "leisure activities"...
but yeah, if you happen to find a way to self host something like this, I can tell you it's going to be very snappy. if you've ever thought: "git doesn't work with binary assets files for games", that's just because you didn't have a full instance to yourself
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@aeva yeah god
also like. my history isn't in reality linear, right? like I'll try something and then I look at it and it's shit. so I go back a revision or two and start again and next time I save I probably save with whatever number is next up
the linear history doesn't really reflect that
