I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before.
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice I can confidently claim that I've been that person. No, confidently does not mean proudly.
I have episodes etched in my brain of accidentally being shitty and realizing later from thirty+ years ago. I managed to apologize sometimes with a delay of a decade or more.
The realization that you've been an arsehole hurts. What hurts even more is seeing a pattern and realizing that *even if you try*, you will likely fail again.
But I can promise everyone this: it gets easier.
In fact...
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice Sometimes I feel, Alice, that just about the whole of humanity is corrupt. Racism, homophobia, misogyny, discrimination on any grounds whatsoever. It happens on a massive scale and everywhere. Non-stop.
Regardless of whether we see it or not and have to stand up for those who are affected by it, I struggle with the intrinsic corruption of so many of my fellow human beings.
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@alice I can confidently claim that I've been that person. No, confidently does not mean proudly.
I have episodes etched in my brain of accidentally being shitty and realizing later from thirty+ years ago. I managed to apologize sometimes with a delay of a decade or more.
The realization that you've been an arsehole hurts. What hurts even more is seeing a pattern and realizing that *even if you try*, you will likely fail again.
But I can promise everyone this: it gets easier.
In fact...
@alice ... it ends up being easier than constantly fighting off the notion that shitty things you don't see still exist.
I recall with intense clarity the shock (I grew up well protected and love my parents for this) when I was confronted with the facts about the abuse my friends endured. It took me months to process.
Then realizing how I contributed to making things worse for them, even though they fully understood me to be kind and harmless, was the kind of thing your brain begs you to deny.
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@alice ... it ends up being easier than constantly fighting off the notion that shitty things you don't see still exist.
I recall with intense clarity the shock (I grew up well protected and love my parents for this) when I was confronted with the facts about the abuse my friends endured. It took me months to process.
Then realizing how I contributed to making things worse for them, even though they fully understood me to be kind and harmless, was the kind of thing your brain begs you to deny.
There's an expression in German that translates as "an end in terror is better than terror without end", and it kind of applies here.
There is no end, really.
But fighting through this denial, however unpleasant it is, is way, way easier than having to keep pretending on a daily basis that the world other people experience is not real.
I genuinely think that if you read @alice 's post, and your brain does "maybe, but...", that you're better off stopping right there and facing this.
Selfishly. -
Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
There is something in the way our pattern recognition works that causes this (excepting many neurodivergent folx) in order to prevent us being overwhelmed.
As an autistic person I can attest to the distress that noticing "everything" can cause! So it would seem that this evolutionary trait is a double edged sword.
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There's an expression in German that translates as "an end in terror is better than terror without end", and it kind of applies here.
There is no end, really.
But fighting through this denial, however unpleasant it is, is way, way easier than having to keep pretending on a daily basis that the world other people experience is not real.
I genuinely think that if you read @alice 's post, and your brain does "maybe, but...", that you're better off stopping right there and facing this.
Selfishly.@alice Oh, and you'll play a role in helping others.
In the grand scheme of things, that matters more, sure. But not when you're fully immersed in that river in Egypt.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine 😋
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* 😅
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice I totally bear with you here.
I completely understand that subjects so far as lactose intolerance and a car model can be related because I do it all the time and no one follows me, not even my latest therapist. -
@alice @DJGummikuh It's also all of us tbh, if you are genuinely convinced you have never done at the very least a microaggression to a minority you're not a part of, you have not done enough work deconstructing your bias to notice. And that's a call to action for people, inform yourself!
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine 😋
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* 😅
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice
Hmm... it's just possible U may want to upgrade to a Ford Mustang or Dodge Charger -- U'r definitely lacking SPICE-in-Ur-life❗️😃 -
Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice
Yeah, that red Ford Focus is skewing Ur outlook just a tad❗️🙄👀 -
@disorderlyf @alice oh yeah the structure of the Fediverse compounds systemic blindness significantly. Even for trivial things we have very different views of what happens here. Even more so than on the commercial silos.
Gli ultimi otto messaggi ricevuti dalla Federazione
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@albertone @matematica 57 e 91 sono gli esempi classici, in effetti
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Licenziano la gente, accendono l'agente.
— Antico proverbio luddista
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@francina1909 @luca @ALFA Unfollow immediato per tutti i cultori della pizza Hawai e assimilabili :D
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@afreytes More "The Fifth Element" in the world :)
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For someone who yearns to publish a book I believe my writing is pretty bad. So I go read some writing advice and...
Boy...
That stuff about "your villain must be a hero in their story!"
No! FUCK NO!
This is how we end up giving "equal time" to fascists.
Make your villains into villains, stop trying to save or absolve them. Make them triumph not because they deserved it but because others didnt care to stop them. Make them ridiculous, and unlovable. Let your story fuck your villains over.
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@GustavinoBevilacqua
Si è fatta pure la scarpetta...
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