@mwl I am so very sorry and I’m with you in this. In my life I’ve been lucky to care for, and be cared for by, some wonderful pets, but two of them stayed in my heart more than any others. One was a very affectionate Peruvian guinea pig. There was no way to do anything without her asking for attention. When I left for the university in the morning, she would get up just to have "breakfast" with me. Then she went back to sleep until I returned. She died quite young.
But a hamster was something incredible in terms of sensitivity, respect, and affection. When he became ill he was already old, and I rushed him to the vet, who is my cousin. She explained that he had an internal tumor that was growing, but given his age there was nothing to be done. He carried on for a few more months, growing weaker. And yet, whenever he saw me, he tried to show the best of himself. When I was in my room, I would open the door of his cage and, if he felt like it, he was free to wander wherever he wanted and do whatever he wished. When he grew tired or knew it was time to sleep, he would return to his cage on his own, peacefully. He never resented it because he always had the freedom to come and go.
Since then I haven’t wanted pets that live so closely with me. They live far too short a time, and each loss is an enormous sorrow. A hug.