It's the Fesshole/Vagina Museum crossover event you've all been waiting for.

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

Have you ever had an experience where you try to grab a wet bar of soap with wet hands and it shoots clean out of your hand and across the shower? If you haven't, give this a go. Take the soap in your hand, and squeeze it just a little too hard. It flies right out.

Slippery, moist, smooth, rigid things will often go WHOOSH if squeezy force is applied. (sorry, we're a Vagina Museum, not a phyics museum)

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

When you squeeze your pelvic floor, you're essentially closing the holes in it. If the thing is small and completely inside the vagina, such as a menstrual cup, squeezing the pelvic floor might push it further up inside you.

But if something is rigid and slippery and at the entrance of the vagina, the laws of physics dictate a squeeze will probably push it out, possibly quite an alarming distance.

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

Remember: the pelvic floor is, on a day-to-day basis, carrying around at the very least the weight of your intestines (about 3.5 kilos). If you're pregnant, it supports the whole weight of that, too. These muscles are *strong*. Something smooth and slippery doesn't stand a chance.

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

It is also worth noting that a tool such as a speculum as it's inserted, a vaginal dilator or certain designs of sex toy are nearly the perfect shape to be shot out quite some distance when lubricated. They're basically shaped like vagina-compatible bullets.

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

So, to conclude, yes, you probably could clonk your gynaecologist round the head with a speculum if they made you laugh at precisely the wrong moment. Which is why a lot of gynaecologists won't make a joke when the speculum and their head are in the danger zone.

[kats@chaosfem.tw]

@vagina_museum OK, I'm never going to remember the name for these*, but those carvings over doorways in the British Isles, of women doubling over and holding their vulva open?

I think I just figured out that it's a warning sign.

*Thanks to @caity for reminding me that the name is Sheela na gig.

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

Just about the only Didn't Happen element of the twat cannon post is that forcibly ejecting a speculum at someone's head would be very unlikely to knock them out, as a plastic speculum is too light to accelerate to sufficient force at close quarters for a knockout, even with a direct headshot.

[i_cannot_today@ohai.social]

@KatS @vagina_museum 1. How have I not heard of these in nearly half a century in these isles,

[i_cannot_today@ohai.social]

@KatS @vagina_museum 2. when I read this toot I initially pictured that the doorway itself was styled as the vaginal entrance and was doubly surprised I'd never heard of this

[limnobotanik@norden.social]

@vagina_museum we still use metal specul...(...a? ), metal ones here... (Germany)

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

@i_cannot_today @KatS we are THRILLED to inform you that a lot of church doors are in fact very related to vulvas https://masto.ai/@vagina_museum/110168921500052009

[em@lsbt.me]

@vagina_museum i wonder whether the cops have a ballistics expert for that kind of things...🤔🤔🤔

[vagina_museum@masto.ai]

@Limnobotanik Probably also too light, although if it hit at the screw mechanism it might cause a cut or bruise...

[floppyplopper@todon.nl]

@vagina_museum
you've convinced me speculum queefing should be an olympic sport

[oblomov@sociale.network]

@floppyplopper @vagina_museum also vagina-compatible bullet is my new favorite expression. But the Olympic sport shouldn't be stuff about specula. Let engineering evolve to design the optimal vagina-compatible bullet!

[filobus@sociale.network]

@vagina_museum @i_cannot_today @KatS @ChieseBrutte