frankie: give me what you're eatingme: it's breadfrankie: cool.

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

frankie: give me what you're eating
me: it's bread
frankie: cool. give it here
me: you dont like bread
frankie: i want this more than i have ever wanted anything in my life
me: too bad
frankie: ok. i get it. i see how it is. ...what's that?!
me: what?
[frankie takes a big bite of bread then spits it out]
me: ah you hairy bastard! well now you see all the good that did you
frankie: actually i changed my mind can i have more

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

frankie: i love you. i love you. i lo-o-o-o-ove you
me: you're hungry
frankie: no. noooo. i just love you soooooo much
me:
frankie: a bit. im a bit hungry yes. but also i love you
me:
frankie: i am on the brink of death

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

me: you still have food
frankie: that is patently untrue
me: look
frankie: i am looking!
me:
[i pick up the bowl, shake it, and set it down]
frankie: holy shit

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

crissy: help! help! someone please! help! oh god! help me!!!
me: what's wrong?!
crissy: hah you fell for it again
me: dangit haven't you heard of the boy who cried wolf?
crissy: do i look like i have the cognitive architecture required to parse human speech to you?
me: yeah yeah...
crissy: dumbass

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

crissy: help! help! someone please! help! oh god! help me!!!
me: what's wrong?!
crissy: look at the size of that roach!
me: holy shit!
[after a protracted battle the evil is defeated]
crissy: wow great job
me: thanks for nothing. you could have killed it yourself you know
crissy:
crissy: why

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

me, lying in bed:
crissy, next to me:
me, lying in bed:
crissy, next to me:
me, picking up my phone: time to browse the internet
crissy, pressing her face to mine: LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

[in bed, i am the little spoon to crissy's big spoon as usual. Frankie jumps on the bed]
frankie: good evening, ladies
me: you have been fed. you have been fed and you know it
frankie: jeez way to assume the worst
me: sorry
frankie: you know i dont appreciate-- [pukes on the bed]

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

[i accidentally step on crissy's tail in the middle of the night]
crissy: ow!
me: oh no! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
crissy: it's okay. accidents happen
me: I'm sorry!
crissy: i love you
me: i love you tooo

[i leave for two days then return]
crissy: ah you backstabbing bitch you have a lot of nerve showing your face around here
me: i love you
crissy: fuck yourself and die

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

frankie: biscuits?
me: no
frankie: but i looooooove you AND im not hungry this time! honestly!
me: no!
frankie: you let crissy make biscuits
me: crissy can make biscuits without sinking her claws into my boobs
frankie: okay but have you considered - how big my eyes are
me: hrm... i have to admit you have a point...

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

logic triumphs

[xibanya@mastodon.xyz]

me: what are you doing?
crissy: ....not honoring the trust between us.
me: there it is. you knew you weren't supposed to do that but you did it anyway
crissy: I have no excuse. I've disappointed you, and I've disappointed myself

me: what are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
frankie: sup
me: damn it can you at least have the decency to pretend to be ashamed?
frankie: ashamed of what?