Sometimes friendships end just by attrition.
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Sometimes friendships end just by attrition. You both get busy, you both grow apart, your friendship just slowly fades into nothing.
Sometimes you get into a big fight and stop talking forever.
But I think the worst kind of loss of a friendship, is the one where you wake up one day, and realise, that someone isn't really your friend and never was. Maybe they were just using you. Maybe it's just a "friendship" of convenience. Maybe it was situational.
That one just rots you out from the inside, because you realise you were living a lie for months, years even.
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Sometimes friendships end just by attrition. You both get busy, you both grow apart, your friendship just slowly fades into nothing.
Sometimes you get into a big fight and stop talking forever.
But I think the worst kind of loss of a friendship, is the one where you wake up one day, and realise, that someone isn't really your friend and never was. Maybe they were just using you. Maybe it's just a "friendship" of convenience. Maybe it was situational.
That one just rots you out from the inside, because you realise you were living a lie for months, years even.
I've been healing from something like this. Someone I thought who was my best friend, but something always felt wrong in the friendship... and realising, that the friendship was always them taking and never giving.
It's been hard not to blame myself for it all. It's been hard not to blame *them* for it all. It's... complicated. Like all things like this in life, you know?
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I've been healing from something like this. Someone I thought who was my best friend, but something always felt wrong in the friendship... and realising, that the friendship was always them taking and never giving.
It's been hard not to blame myself for it all. It's been hard not to blame *them* for it all. It's... complicated. Like all things like this in life, you know?
It's easy to say "well they shouldn't have taken and never given back" but it's just as easy to say "well you shouldn't have given that much to begin with." Both are true.
She was (and is) drowning in her own pain and agony, looking for someone to save her.
I well, tried to be that person, even though I couldn't be. That's on me. I felt like I had to. And that is also on me.
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It's easy to say "well they shouldn't have taken and never given back" but it's just as easy to say "well you shouldn't have given that much to begin with." Both are true.
She was (and is) drowning in her own pain and agony, looking for someone to save her.
I well, tried to be that person, even though I couldn't be. That's on me. I felt like I had to. And that is also on me.
She should have actually gotten real help. She was told to. She should have done a lot of things. I should have too. But blame isn't productive. It's so tempting.
What's really productive, is asking myself, how can I strengthen what I have, and how can I apply the lessons I've learned going forward?
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She should have actually gotten real help. She was told to. She should have done a lot of things. I should have too. But blame isn't productive. It's so tempting.
What's really productive, is asking myself, how can I strengthen what I have, and how can I apply the lessons I've learned going forward?
The main things I've learned are:
* Trust your gut
* If something feels off in your friendship, don't dismiss it out of hand
* If someone expects unconditional support but offers little to none in return, that's a red flag
* Don't let someone suck up all your energy just because they lack any means of internal support
* Speak up about your needs, and if you get shot down, that's a red flag -
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