Still trying to figure out how anyone does anything.

[chillybot@infosec.exchange]

Still trying to figure out how anyone does anything. I think I am just severely burnt out. You know how many "vacation" work days I took this year? Four. Last year? Two. How much vacation time do I have? Unlimited. I feel like I have too many responsibilities to take time off. I feel like people handle things better than I do. I feel like taking time off is failing the people I care about or a sign I cant be relied on. I feel like I have aged seven years in two years. No one is stopping me. No one is saying "Oh Chilly you can't take time off because xyz". I just so desperately want to be "good enough" for the people and things I care about that I have neglected giving myself any time to recover.

[viss@mastodon.social]

@chillybot theres some stuff to consider:
- lots of people do absolute shit-tier work. they will only gush about their wins, though.
- youre not alone here
- ive taken one vacation in the last ten years. and the other 'vacations' ive taken, ive been made to work during them.
- "good enough" by whos standard though? your own? or some randos? or some influencers?
- find something to occupy your entire brain for several hours (arc raiders? :D). it really helps!

[viss@mastodon.social]

@chillybot
- make a list of everything youve named a responsibility.
- find everything in that list that will burn to the ground or suffer if you ignore it for 24 hours.
- do that again, but 48 hours.
- then 72
- then a week

what lands where? is it possible you just care too much about stuff and are worried something 'might break'? can you realistically vanish for a couple days and nothing will explode? .... is it possible to rearrange how you dish out your time?

[viss@mastodon.social]

@chillybot also, and i say this emphatically

fuck influencers

dont listen to them.
do not let them decide how you spend your time, or if you are good enough

some fuckface with purple hair who doesnt know anything about computers is not in a position to tell you how to do your job, and your job and well being will never be affected by the fuckface unless you decide their opinion is important for some reason.

[chillybot@infosec.exchange]

@Viss
Thank you fren its my own way too high standards and a mental illness that basically makes me feel not good enough. Its seeing all my awesome and badass friends and feeling like I need to do more. In the end, it is just a battle of the mind and me actually doing self care that I need

[viss@mastodon.social]

@chillybot i get the impression that this is the result of people only posting 'the good stuff'. you dont see their struggles or their fuckups. you dont see their mistakes etc, you only see the successes, and that makes it feel like they're just these champions that machine-gun out wins second after second - and i can tell you that is absolutely not the case.

[viss@mastodon.social]

@chillybot you cant be like

- oops fuck i accidentally set myself on fire again

and then

- look at me! (im mr meeseeks!) im a consummate professional! you should hire me to do important business things in your business!

and then

- oh fuck im on fire again HOW THE FUCK

and expect to be taken seriously