Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

Why do we have such a gender imbalance at #fosdem & in tech in general?

A real conversation.

Marty: Maria, what do you think about ABC?
Peter: I don't want to speak for Maria, but... (keeps talking for a few minutes).
Anna: Thank you for sharing your perspective, Peter, but I would love to hear Maria's perspective.

If you observe someone dominating a discussion and answering questions that aren't directed at them, please be an ally and moderate the conversation in an inclusive way🧡
#dei #deib

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

...and it's not only about the gender, but inclusiveness within conversations in general.

[itsmealexander@mastodon.social]

@RosannaSibora amen! 🪧

[airwhale@beige.party]

@RosannaSibora

I think this pattern is really deeply ingrained in our culture, unfortunately. Female co-workers are often reluctant to speak up, even when I know they are probably the most competent to cover the topic we are discussing.

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

@airwhale I agree that it's often (unfortunately) a part of culture, upbringing etc. However, I don't know who is the most competent person in the room. I would like to find out. When someone is dominating the discussion it's barely possible.

And it's not even that much about finding the most competent person in the room, but rather about gathering diverse perspectives, building up on other people's ideas and co-creating.

#leadership #dei #deib

[nuwagaba2@mastodon.social]

@RosannaSibora
Thanks for sharing such a valuable skill. What if that person dominating is your leader?

[airwhale@beige.party]

@RosannaSibora

Yes, agreed - you put it better than I managed 😄

All team members have information, skills, experiences or ideas that would be valuable to share and gather. I want all voices to be heard and encourage a collaborative culture, not a competetive one.

It's way harder than I would like.

[t_x@chaos.social]

@RosannaSibora yeah, I'm also experiencing that quite often in my bubble. Luckily not from narcissists, but like neurodivergent / autistic people. People who don't mean to be rude but who genuinely have a hard time telling if other people would like to talk, too, or how others feel about the conversation. They need direct feedback.

And the feedback part is still difficult for me then as I have trouble interrupting people, I have a feeling of being rude, disagreeable if interrupting others.

[t_x@chaos.social]

@RosannaSibora but when I overcome this I think those friends are act. appreciating it, they don't take that badly and are relieved if you tell them clearly, directly, calmly: "I would also like to make a point, can you give me some seconds?" At least the people I know wld.

For me I think maybe the church childhood part might play into my issue of interrupting others. I'm wondering if many woman might hv similar issues bc. society often (wrongly) saying woman in particular wld hv to be quiet?

[t_x@chaos.social]

@RosannaSibora just some thoughts :-). I'd be curious if you were thinking about like autistic or narcissistic people in particular.

[timwardcam@c.im]

@RosannaSibora Where was the chair? After "I don't want to speak for Maria" they should have interrupted with "well don't then".

[jvschrag@hachyderm.io]

@airwhale @RosannaSibora Perhaps these gatherings would benefit from having people trained in facilitation helping out? There are all kinds of techniques for managing group conversations in ways that encourage participation, shut down bad behaviour, etc. It’s a whole field of expertise in itself. (I did a lot of work as a facilitator). There’s a real benefit to having a person who has no stake in the content of the conversation, who can instead focus on the process.

[nobody@mastodon.acm.org]

@RosannaSibora meantimee nixos devroom: "Maria"? What a strange name, do you mean Marjan or Marius maybe?

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

@jvschrag @airwhale couldn’t agree more! Not only tech gatherings would benefit from it, but our society in general. I wish facilitation and communication skills would be taught at school. It’s a booster for any kind of interpersonal interaction.

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

@nuwagaba2 very good point! As @jvschrag mentioned, preparing the conversation and having a facilitator helps a lot. Facilitator owns the process. It’s helpful to communicate the rules, roles and responsibilities before the meeting / workshop so that participants are not surprised. Even something as simple as dedicated time-boxing per person can make a difference.

[rosannasibora@fosstodon.org]

@nuwagaba2 In addition to introducing a proper facilitation, you can also ask the manager - in a 1:1 conversation - if they would like to hear your feedback / perspective on a recent meeting. Yes, you might risk being fired in extreme cases. But is it even worth supporting an organization, which cannot handle constructive, 360 degree feedback?

No matter what the role is, I would always share the feedback only if a person is ready to receive it & only in a 1:1. Feedback is a gift