How I plan to spend the weekend, on the Rottentomatoes page for #Melania.

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

You gotta pump those numbers down those are rookie numbers.

Reminder that this would literally be 0% but for Evgeny Lebedev’s Standard. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

Fuck me, the Standard has actually REVISED ITS REVIEW, knocked a star off the original four-star rating, and is corncobbing wildly. Look at this shit. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

#Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

One of those insightful audience reviews from someone who HASN’T BEEN TO THE CINEMA IN A DECADE. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

Imagine nothing compelling you to go out to the cinema for 10 years but being dragged from your cinematic coffin by the fucking #Melania documentary, Jesus Christ. This fandom is both unhinged and cringe as anything. #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

Please note that this review is being written by a creative: writer, pianist, singer,
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

Can you provide some more examples of “a classical art” please Monique? #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

A second positive review has hit the #Melania rottentomatoes rating. It’s by the Epoch Times. What the fuck is the Epoch Times, you ask? Well…

Also, lol, “warmth and compassion”, and they chose that photo.

#USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

In case you think this is a purely political division, it‘s worth noting that even a shallow right wing rag with a readership of ancient bigots like the Daily Express gave #Melania a negative review.

#USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

The audience really enjoyed the scenes of #Melania filmed with a tiny surgical camera.

#USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

One (brown) star from Empire. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

I’m non-biased: I don’t have an opinion on fascism and genocide, and I willingly paid money to watch a dull documentary about a fascist’s moll picking an outfit.

Also “Quincy”: “pretty good” is not a five star rating. #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

#Melania now has a “Verified Hot” status based on audience reviews.

It appears you need 500 verified user ratings to get to that status. To post a verified review, you need to book a ticket through the Fandango app (sounds like a swizz, but bear with).

You don’t have to turn up and watch the movie. The average cost of a cinema ticket in the US is $11.

If you wanted to post 500 five star verified reviews, it would cost you $5,500.

#USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

I’m not saying they needed to do this. You also could just tell pro-Trump Facebook groups to book in this way and leave a 5-star rating and they’d do it, because they’re a bunch of hateful zombie fascist pricks with broken souls.

This is likely to be especially successful for a film where no-one who is not a zombie fascist prick with a broken soul (or a paid film critic) would ever contemplate spending money to watch such shite.

#Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

That is not how film reviews work. This is the type of person who gives a book a one star review on Amazon because the courier left the parcel in the bushes.

I mean it’s not how feminism works either, but one lesson at a time, eh? #Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

This Sean Burns review has some observations about the audience in his screening.

https://northshoremovies.wpcomstaging.com/2026/01/31/review-melania/

#Melania #USpol

[nickiquote@mstdn.social]

For those who are still interested, which I cannot imagine is many of you, the RottenTomatoes score is down to 8% and they are still yet to list a bunch of negative reviews like the Empire one.

In the meantime here’s the New Yorker, GQ and Cinerama. #Melania #USpol