I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before.

[thijs_goverde@mastodon.nl]

@alice
I don´t know what's worse, the fact that we, as a society, are in such a horrible place or the fact that we (again: as a society) have such a hard time *seeing* we're actually in that spot.

Ofc, if we really saw it we probably wouldn't be there.

[ketmorco@fosstodon.org]

@alice as a cis white male growing up in USA, I can unequivocally agree.

I think I've always seen bigotry, a little, but the micro aggressions, the constant everyday bias, was less visible.

Until I noticed it in myself.

And realized at twenty something that nothing was gone. Except perhaps some overtly legal protection for bigotry.

But now that I know where to look? Everywhere!

[arh@blackstar.cafe]

@lispi314 @alice i guess the assumption is that you'd see that in your own dms

[lispi314@udongein.xyz]

@arh @alice That'd really only happen if you have the same kind of reach & presentation though.

[nigelharpur@musicians.today]

@alice @DJGummikuh

Very well put.
I hear all those comments and many similar quite often in the conversations of people that pass by my table as I have my morning coffee.

[arh@blackstar.cafe]

@lispi314 @alice yeah, but it's also the only way you can see that (unless someone is posting their messages publicly)

[k_leyton_cooper@mastodon.social]

@alice
Just satirical comments on Ur "Coming of Age" tales (which I think are hilarious)❗️ 😂😃

[tknarr@mstdn.social]

@AlexanderVI @alice Not very often, and usually not more than once. Worst case, twice.

Sometimes I don't recognize it until someone else calls it out, but you learn new things all the time and I count that call-out as "once".

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@arh @lispi314 the point is that they don't see it until it happens to them, and until it happens to them (if it ever does), it's easy to dismiss it as not being the huge pervasive problem it is.

[coleens_@infosec.exchange]

@alice dang, I'm sorry A 🖤

[aminorjourney@insearchofportlandia.com]

@ketmorco @alice the worst bit about this is how everyone who doesn’t see it gaslights those who do.

it’s exhausting.

[coolcalmcollected@mastodon.social]

@alice @DJGummikuh

racism is the water we swim in every single day. when I was 5/6, my liberal gay mother, would take us to eat at a restaurant called Sambo's (1975/6) in Seattle. I saw a post about the chain (2010's) and realized what the deal was. I have had white people casually say the n word, and all the words for black and brown people, to my face my whole life. the only pancake syrup we had in the house was the black slave/servant woman shaped bottle. it's everywhere.

[webhat@infosec.exchange]

@lispi314 @alice I do see it outside of DMs and I report it every time, if they are a mutual I'll generally also call it out in a reply before I block and report

It's horrific the kind of things people say to eachother on here. I don't see all of it, obviously, and I see enough of it that I worry about the stuff that's said out of sight

[toasterson@chaos.social]

@alice There was some research some time ago that Human pattern matching actually works like that. Humans never observe the actual distribution of things. They observe Red Ford Focus. And when they want to see it they see it everywhere.

[kyresti@plush.city]

@alice Yep. It's even worse when you realize that because of how federation works, you *only* get some of the subtle/microaggressive stuff unless you're on an instance with HELLA relays.

At full blast, that shit's the equivalent of the sound of walking by a gigantic wasp nest.

[hearth@plush.city]

@alice This in conjunction with the car-related analogy has made me realize... we actually do experience something along similar lines, though not nearly as severe as harassment

we used to drive a saturn vue, which is not a huge car (by american standards) but also not a small one. but then several years ago we got a toyota prius, and ever since then driving at night has been unbearable
-F

[hearth@plush.city]

@alice this is because many, *many* cars have headlights that shine directly into the rearview mirror of the car in front of them, but only if that car is small enough, a problem we had never encountered before and now can't escape

it makes me wonder, just how much did we contribute to that problem before knowing about it
-F

[jayflo@social.trom.tf]

@alice I have never seen it, BUT, I'm a CISHET old man and I am so sorry that you, or anyone, has to put up with such hate!

[thegreatllama@kolektiva.social]

@coolcalmcollected @alice @DJGummikuh
This was independent from the main chain of Sambo's restaurants, but the date it closed is unreal. I remember this place being there and shaking my head in disbelief.

https://www.wweek.com/restaurants/2022/11/02/lincoln-city-restaurant-lil-sambos-is-closing/

[yza@plush.city]

@alice i tell a similar story about coming to terms with being trans. as a white lady it was revelatory. i knew plenty about transphobia already, but it was a whole other thing when you start reflecting how it will directly affect you. every transphobic or cisnormative thing people say sticks out at you. you start making mental notes of how unsafe people around you are. all of this was years before the media started paying attention to us - the constant demonization kind of attention