This has been on my mind for a while...

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

This has been on my mind for a while...

But before we get into it, I need you to do something for me. Drop your baggage at the door.

Because you will want to correct, or point out that, or say "but that cant...", or "actually what would..." And this is just a tiny fantasy in my head, so realism and logic does not fit into it. It's not real, no matter how much I wished it so.

Can you do that? Ok, let's go.

What if I could build a time machine?

A one way time machine?

[1/?]

[ahchay@mastodon.gamedev.place]

@afreytes You're already in one ;)

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

A time machine, a one way ticket, built for a very specific purpose.

And like I said, never you worry about time paradoxes. Energy requirements, or changung timelines. Time traveling isnt real. So for the purposes of this fantasy it all works out in the end.

Anyway, while my mother has been in the hospital I have been asking her stuff, her mind is still super sharp about the old days. Though maybe her hold on current reality is slipping.

[2/?]

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

And so, I have a very concrete idea of events places, people, from the year just before I was born.

I have a pretty accurate idea of what didn't exist back then, compared to how it is now. I feel pretty confident that I could go back in time. And introduce myself into my family's orbit. I wanna do a Back To The Past instead of a Back To The Future if that makes more sense to you.

But I'm not planning to come back...

[3/?]

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

You see instead of doing a Marty, and ensure I get to be born. I think...I think I might want to try to do the opposite.

"But afreytes..." TUT TUT remember what I said about leaving your baggage behind.

You see, my folks already had a son and a daughter. If anything, I'm the odd one out. The third child. And I know this put a strain on everyone then.

And I think, maybe not my best thought ever, "What if me not being born means she never gets osteoporosis?"

[4/?]

[ahchay@mastodon.gamedev.place]

@afreytes You're beginning to sound like Jimmy Stewart in A Wonderful Life

Keep hold of those petals, they're important. I'm sure your Mum would rather have you in her life than not

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

So I go back, keep my father out of the picture for a while (Business trip and/or fishing trip. This part is super easy, believe me.) And then I disappear.

The family is spared some harsh economic times. My brothers do even better with more care from mom. And my mom gets to live 15 or 30 years more.

I don't know about you, but I would like to think I would make that trip.

[5/?]

[mjg@mstdn.social]

@afreytes that is such a selfless daydream, I’m tearing up. But as a mom I can say I’d rather tough times and even an earlier death than one of my boys having never been born. Give your mom a hug and treasure the time that’s left, it goes by in a blink.

[afreytes@mastodon.gamedev.place]

And maybe... (but let's not obsess over the details of how)... Maybe there's countless times I have already traveled back in time...

Maybe I have given my mom as much extra life in some parallel timelines as I have given her happiness or fulfillment in this one.

I trust my other selves have been raised in such a way that, given the choice, they would make the trip.

[401matthall@mastodon.xyz]

@afreytes

...

This might be the sweetest fucking thing I've ever read. And now I can't see and my face is wet. <3